Beginning of forever

I'll still always remember
The last time we were together
Wanting to discover
From the beginning of forever

You were the only thing,
I had to live for.
Everything was so perfect,
But that was before.

I always thought,
We would always be together.
I would love you,
From now till forever.

But I know that would be in the end
And we will be apart
So many kisses I can't send
After what you did to my heart

Behind this smiley mask
I saw the ugly truth
A question in my mind I've ask...
Why I loved you?

What should I do, to make you love me?
What should I say, to make you believe me?
It's only you, who I want to see?
Every day of my single day, to set me free

I lost my way, my thought
And my heart was withered
In a game I played
Pretending I'm the winner

Running from the truth
was the easy thing to do
I wish you had the courage to be honest
to gently tell me, we were though

So, please return to the past
Return to your man
I said, "I love you," at last
Wishing you would understand

That's true
I'm still needing you
But you must know
That I'll never let you go

OTHER HUMOR

Hay Fever: Straw with a high temperature

Spinal: "He had cameras installed in every room so he could SPINAL
his guests."

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a kilt?
Hopscotch.

Old Eskimos never die, they just get cold feet.

GROANERS & SHAGGY PUPPY STORIES

My teenaged niece was nervous as she took the wheel for her first
driving lesson. As she was pulling out of the parking lot, the
instructor said, "Turn left here, and don't forget to let the people
behind you know what you're doing." She turned to the students sitting
in the back seat and announced, "I'm going left."

Wife: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"
Husband: I was golfing with friends, my dear." Wife: "What? At two in
the morning?" Husband: "Yes. We used nightclubs."

A surgeon goes to return some books he borrowed from the library...
The librarian quips after checking the books... "Sir your books are
always returned with the last page missing in every single book..."
The surgeon replies, "I can't stop myself from removing an appendix
when ever I see one."

PUNS

He must have some inner ear trouble. He went into a bank and lost his
balance.

As a mother was bribing her little boy with a quarter so he would
behave, she said, "Why do I always have to pay you to be good; why
can't you be good for nothing like your father?"

If you want to crash a houseboat party, just barge in.

He put bug spray on his watch to get rid of the ticks.

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Replacing some peoples central nervous system would be a no-brainer

RIDDLES

What did one potato chip say to the other?
"Shall we take a dip?"

How can you get into a locked house with all the windows tightly
barred and without a key?
Keep running around the house until you're all in.

What did the vampire take for a cold?
Coffin syrup

What do you give a dog with a fever?
Ketchup. It's the best thing for a hot dog (Javed, 12)

What is the penalty for breaking the law of gravity.
A suspended sentence

When is an artist like an Indian shooting a arrow?
When he draws a bow.

What birds spend all their time on their knees?
Birds of prey.

Ur smoking room

This is actually an on-the-ceiling poster in the smoking room at an IT firm in Mumbai, India.
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Michael and his Roommate

Michael and his Roommate

One evening, Michael invited his mother over for dinner.

During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Michael's female roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two of them and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was indeed more between them than just a roommate living situation.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Michael volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne and I are just roommates."

Several days later, Joanne came to Michael and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

"Well," said Michael, "I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote his mother a letter:

Dear Mom,

Thank you for coming to dinner last week.

It seems we are missing our silver gravy ladle.

I'm not saying you 'did' take the gravy ladle, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,

Michael

A couple days later, Michael received a reply:

Dear Son,

Thank you for inviting me to dinner last week.

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Joanne, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Joanne. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love,

Mom

Wrong Way

Wrong Way

Seventy-six year old Grace was watching TV at home late one afternoon.

Presently, the 5:00 news came on. The lead story was traffic mayhem on I-95 due to a car going down the highway the wrong way.

Grace suddenly realized her husband was traveling home on that very same highway. Concerned, she reached for the phone and called him on his cell.

"Harold," she said when he answered. "Are you still on I-95?"

"I am," Harold replied.

"Well then please be careful!" Grace said. "I just heard on the news that some maniac is going down the highway the wrong way!"

"One?" Harold replied. "Aw, heck, Grace, they're ALL going the wrong way!"

A Home Security System

How To Install A Home Security System In The South

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work
boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns and Ammo
Magazine.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba, Me, Big Jim, Duke and Slim went for more ammunition.

Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls - they attacked the mailman
this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in
it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.

Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.

Better wait outside.

"Cooter"

Dictionary for women

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card

Court Jokes

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So, the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________

And the best for last

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Best Creamed Jokes

Get the Best Chosen Jokes that are Creamed Exclusively for your Satisfaction. No more rotten jokes than disgust us. Always keep Laughing that not just make people around but also increases your life.