21st Century.... We are becoming lesser by the day

21^st Century....

We are becoming lesser by the day

Our  communication - Wireless

Our  dress - Topless

Our  telephone - Cordless

Our  cooking - Fireless

Our  youth - Jobless

Our  food - Fatless

Our  labour - Effortless

Our  conduct - Worthless

Our  relation - Loveless

Our  attitude - Careless

Our  feelings - Heartless

Our  politics - Shameless

Our education - Valueless

Our follies -  Countless

Our  arguments - Baseless

Our Job - Thankless

Our Salary - Very Very less  

Santa Jokes

SUHAGRAAT KE DIN SARDARNI BOLI: AAJ DUNIYA KA SABSE GANDA KAAM KARDO.

SARDAR NE PENT UTARI OR POTTY KAR DI BED PE.

 

SINGH IS KING...

 

EK ADMI : YAAR YEH SCOOTY KAB LI?

SARDAR : KAL RAAT 1 LADKI MUJHE SCOOTY PE BHOT DUR LE GAYEE, SAB KAPDE UTARKE BOLI JO CHAIYE LELO, MAIN SCOOTY LE AAYA KAPDO KA KYA KARNA THA.

 

 

Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa rahe hain.
Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey?
Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey

 

A sweet girl goes to Banta's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.
Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.

 

Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai..
Santa: Kya naam hai uska?
Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha "CHAALU KHAATA"

 

Translation from hindi to english, "Khushi ke mare uski chaati phool gayi".
Santa: Due to happiness, his chest became breast.

 

Santa ki shaadi ek Nurse se ho gayi.
Banta: Aur santa, kaisi nibh rahi hai?
Santa: Pooch mat yaar, jab tak sister na kaho, bolti hi nahi

 

In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to tumhari aatma se pyar hai, tumhare jism ki mujhe koi chah nahin. Main tumhari rooh ko chahta hoon, tumhara shareer to main kutton ko daal doon.
Banta sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW

 

Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye

 

Girl: Will u marry me?
Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se

 

Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Santa rushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, BETA hua BETA. She slapped him: Leave my finger, u fool, It's a gal

 

Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya

 

Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paudhe thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudhon ko pani dal.
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.

 

Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aaya hai.

 

Santa to Pappu: Where's Sukhna Lake?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se bhi nikla karo.
Pappu: Who's Banta?
Santa: Pata nai.
Pappu: Kabhi ghar me bhi raha karo.

 

Santa: Do you know English?
Banta: Yes
Santa: Ok! Then tell what is the opposite of NAAG PANCHAMI?
Banta: So simple Yaar... NAAG DO NOT PUNCH ME.

 

Santa & banta sending sms 2 their gfs. Santa:mai tere mobile se apni gf ko sms bheju dekhte hain kya kahti hai? Banta: No, agar usne handwriting pehchan li to...?

 

Santa's urine report got exchanged with a ladies pregnancy report.
Dr. told santa, "you are pregnant".
Angry santa shouts at wife, "Maine pehle hi kaha tha, mujhe upar rehne de".

 

Santa was inserting dog's tail into pipe.
Banta: Oye, kutte ki dum kabhi seedhi nahi hoti.
Santa: Idiot, main to pipe bend kar raha hoon.

 

Santa: Bhaisahab time kya hua?
Man: Sham ke 6 baje hain!
Santa: Sala, subah se pooch raha hoon, sab alag alag time bata rahe hain.

 

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

New Jokes

1) What is the similarity between Bill gates and me? Dont know? So simple, He never comes to my house and I never go to his house ...EGO PRoblem

************ ********* ********* ********* *

2) We sms Each Other B'coz U Think Im Nice i Think Ur Nice U Think Im Cool i Think Ur Cool U Think Im Sweet i Think Ur Sweet U Think Im Smart i Think Ur RigHT

************ ********* ********* ********* *

3) Who Said English is Easy

Fill this blank with
Yes or No?

1. __ I don't have a BRAIN.

2. __I dont have SENSE.

3. __I am STUPID.

************ ********* ********* ********* *

4) I can't live without u. Without u I can't even imagine 2 exist. U r in my breath, I can't live without u even for a second.

HOLD ON...HOLD ON...
Itna khush hone ki jarurat nahin hai, I am talking about OXYGEN.

************ ********* ********* ********* *

5) I was writing 3 Good Lines about u i wrote:

1.. )_______

2. )_______

3. )_______

nalayak kuchh to accha kiya hota life mein, tabhi likhta.

************ ********* ********* ********* *

6) I want to Share 'EVRYTHING' with U. Your JOYS ur SADNESS, ur HAPPY MOMENTS. Every Single SECOND OF THE DAY. Let's START with Your "BANK A/C

************ ********* ********* ********* *

7) When cloud breaks rain falls, When coconut breaks water falls, When luv breaks tears fall, But.. When ur HEAD breaks.. Aailaa !!! Khali hai!

************ ********* ********* ********* *

8) U r sweet U r caring U r artist U r kind U r intelligent U r atractive U r smart thoda aur IMPROVE karo Tabhi mere jaise banoge.

************ ********* ********* ********* *

9) Aaj ye baat samjh aai,is dharti par Apki hukumat samjh aai,apko dharti par bhejna khuda ka bahana tha,kyunki ravan k bad kisi ko to aana tha..

************ ********* ********* ********* *

10) A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife..

************ ********* ********* ********* *

11) PanditJi ne apke mobile ki rashi dekh kar bataya hai ki aapke mobile pe KANJOOSI ki mahadsha mandra rahi hai. Turant 21 Sms ka yagna karvao

************ ********* ********* ********* *

12) Shukriya karo oos khuda ka k usne hume banaya hai... kyonki ek pyaara, achchha, smart,cute Handsom sa dost humne na sahi tumne to paya hai

************ ********* ********* ********* *

13) Ishq ne insaan ko kya se kya bana diya, kisiko ashiq to kisiko deewana bana diya, 2 phool ka boj na utha sakti thi mumtaj,  shahjahan ne pura taj mahal mumtaj par bana diya.

************ ********* ********* ********* *

14) There once lived 4 friends, Mad, Brain, Sumbody, Nobody. 1 day, Sumbody killed Nobody. That time Brain was in toilet Mad called the police.
Mad: Is it police station?
Police: Yes,what is the matter?
Mad: Sumbody killed Nobody
Police: R u mad?
Mad: Yes, Iam Mad
Police: Dont u have brain?
Mad: Brain is in the toilet.

************ ********* ********* ********* *

15) Main aapko dekhna chahta hoon, aapse milna chahta hoon, par yeh log bahut zalim hain kehte hain


"ZOO"bandh ho gaya kal aana...

************ ********* ********* ********* *

16) Sweet persons talk from HUTCH. Lovers talk from AIRTEL. Beggers talk from BSNL. Beuties talk from SPICE. But BRILLIANTS never talk. They send SMS

************ ********* ********* ********* *

17) Asmaan per jitne sitare hain! Ankhon main jitne ishare hain 'Samander ke jitne kinare hain " UTNE SCREW DHEELE TUMHARE HAIN " ha ha ha

************ ********* ********* ********* *

18) Wife:kal raat tum neend me mujhe gaaliya de rahe the.
Husband:Tumhe galat fehmi hui hai.
Wife:kaisi galat fehmi?
Husband:Yehi ki main soya hua tha.

************ ********* ********* ********* *

19) Sardar Director: U Should jump 2 d swiming-pool frm 100 ft Height.
Actor: i don't know swimming.
SardarDirector: don't wory, their is no water.

************ ********* ********* ********* *

20) Hi jaan_
Kya haal hai jaan_
Kaha ho jaan_
Kab miloge jaan_
Tumhari badi yaad aa rahi hai jaan_
Zyada khush na ho.
Har blank _ mein " var" word add kar lena.

Mast Joke

A Gujrati, a Madrasi and a sardaar were doing construction work onscaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were having lunch and Gujju opened his lunch box & said, "Dhokla ! If I get dhokla one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building." The Madrasi opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Idli Sambhar again! If I get idli sambhar one more time I'm going to jump off too." The sardaar opened his lunch and said, "Parontha again! If I get a parontha one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Gujju opened his lunch box, saw dhokla, and jumped to his death. The Madrasi opened his lunch, saw idli sambhar, and jumped, too. The sardaar opened his lunch, saw the parontha and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, Gujju's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of dhokla, I never would have given it to him again!" The Madrasi's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him dossa! I didn't realize he hated idli sambhar so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the sardaar's wife...... The sardaar's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."

Just a Question

Lawyer's question

 

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial--a grandmotherly, elderly woman.

 

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench.

In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail for contempt within 5 minutes!"

A Few Sweet Jokes

Hi Good Morning,

 

1. Vent: How's that you came first in a sports event but you were not given a prize. Come on... tell me what is that event?
Johny, the doll: It was slow cycle race!

2. Vent: Do you sing well?
Johny: I got second prize in my class.
Vent: Very good... How many participated?
Johny: Only two!

3. Vent: Ok... Tell me whether the winner sang well...?
Johny: No... He did not sing at all!
Vent: Then, how they selected him as winner?
Johny: They heard my song... Immediately, they selected him as winner.

4. Vent: Well, did you sing any song in public?
Johny: Once I did.
Vent: Then what happened?
Johny: The Chief Guest came and gave me Rs.2000/-
Vent: Very good. So, you got Rs.2000/- for your singing?
Johny: No... Only to stop my singing!

5. Vent: Why did you put on a cloth screen on your computer?
Johny: Because it has got windows!

6. Vent: What is the difference between you and the computer?
Johny: Computer "copy" and then paste...
But I paste and then (take) cofee!

7. Vent: Why did you have such a big password--Rama Lakshmana Seetha Kaikeyee Ravana Dasaratha?
Johny: You only said that I should have six characters!

8. Vent: Do you know Actor Kamal Haasan?
Johny: Yes... He acted with me in the movie "Avargal". He is residing opposite to my house!
Vent: Where is your house?
Johny: Opposite to his house!
Vent: Ok baba... Where are both the houses?
Johny: Opposite to each other!

9. Vent: You know anything about Rajinikanth?
Johny: I know his wife's name...
Vent: I myself don't know. Ok... What is her name?
Johny: Mrs Rajinikanth!

10. Vent: You like Kamal Haasan or Vikram?
Johny: I like Kamal Haasan...
Vent: Why?
Johny: He is "Indian"!
Vent: What about Vikram?
Johny: He is "Annian"!
Vent: Director Shankar booked as the hero for his next movie. What is the name of the movie?
Johny: "Saniyan!"

Wish you all a good health!

Good Jokes

Speeding Charges

Tyler and Katz, two judges, were each arrested on speeding charges.

When they arrived in court on the appointed day, no one was there. So instead of wasting time waiting around, they decided to try each other.

Motioning Tyler to the stand, Katz said, "How do you plead?"

"Guilty," replied Tyler.

"That'll be fifty dollars and a warning from the court," said Katz.

Katz stepped down and the two judges shook hands and changed places.

"How do you plead?" asked Tyler.

"Guilty," replied Katz.

Tyler reflected for a moment."These reckless driving cases are becoming all too common of late," he pointed out. "In fact, this is the second such incident in the last quarter hour. That'll be two hundred dollars and ten days in jail!"

Two Strangers

Two strangers, a man and a woman, meet in a cafe.

The man asks, "My Dear, would you go to bed with me for a million dollars?"

"A million dollars?" the woman inquired. "Well, yes, I guess I would."

"OK," the man said. "Would you go to bed with me for $100?"

The woman was aghast. "What kind of person do you think I am?" she exclaimed.

The man replied, "My Dear, we have already established that. We are merely haggling over the price!"

Father Of Who

A man walks into a supermarket and notices a beautiful woman staring at him.

She stares for quite some time, so finally the man asks, "Do I know you?"

The woman answers "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

The man thinks for a minute, then realizes this kid she is talking about must be the result of the one and only time he ever cheated on
his wife.

He says to the woman, "Are you that exotic dancer that was at my best friend's bachelor party about 5 years ago? You know, the one I did it with on the pool table while everyone was watching?"

The woman looks at him horrified and says, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

Firewood

Floyd picked up the phone and called the Sheriff's Office.

"Hello," he said. "Is this here the Sheriff's Office?"

"Yes it is," the voice came back. "What can I do for you?"

Floyd replied, "I'm callin' to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's drillin' holes in his firewood and hidin' marijuana inside!"

"Thank you very much for the call, sir," the voice replied.

Within the hour, the Sheriff and his deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes,
they split every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

The phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil, This here's Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?"

"Yeah!" Virgil answers.

"Did they split yer firewood?" Floyd asks.

"Yep!" Virgil answers.

Floyd says, "Happy Birthday, Buddy!"

Going to Vegas

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

She answered, "I'm going to Las Vegas."

"Now what brought this on?" he asked.

She answered, "I just found out that I can make $400.00 a night doing what I do for you for free!"

He pondered that for a while, went into the house, packed his bags and returned to the porch.

His wife said, "And just where do you think you are going?"

He replied, "I'm going, too."

"Why?" she asked.

He said, "I just have to see how you are going to live on $800.00 a year!"