::I:Have:Learned::

I've learned:
That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.
I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.
I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.
I've learned.... That you should never say "no" to a gift from a child.
I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.
I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.
I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I've learned.... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned.... That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?

I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

Sardar Rocks: Ultimate

Sardar Rocks

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"

Sardar declares:
I will never marry in my life &......... I'll give same advice to my children also. . . .

A donkey kicked a Sardar & ran away
Sardar ran to catch the donkey.
He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.

Sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml now it's 2 ltr.

Santa went to Mysore palace.
Tourist guide - Santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - Oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..

Sardar wanted to make a STD call to punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call..

One tourist from U.S.A.asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!

Teacher: A for?
Sardar: Apple
Teacher: Jor se bolo?
Sardar: Jay mata di...

2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1st Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.

Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
Sardar 2: You R nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent my wife with him.

Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal....." Finally he wrote the conclusion............

"after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......

A scene from Kohn Benega Crorepati....
Amitabh : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : Liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitabh stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS....... 

Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: India ...
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India 

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.

Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken..
Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying? 
 
Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '

NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE :
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup....

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.

Rabbits

Teacher: If I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have? 
Johnny: Seven Sir

Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven

Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven!

Teacher: Where do you get seven from?
Johnny: Because I've already got one at home..

Inspirational Thoughts

Inspirational Thoughts

Destiny is not a matter of chance,It's a matter of choice; It's not a thing to be waited for,It's a thing to be achieved. ~William Jennings Bryan

When you know what you want, and you want it badly enough, you'll find a way to get it. ~Jim Rohn

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. ~ Albert Einstein

The only limits are, as always, those of vision. ~James Broughton

Someone once asked me why do you always insist on taking the hard road? And I replied why do you assume I see two roads?

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it. ~ Henry David Thoreau

Argue for your limitations and sure enough they are yours.~ Richard Bach

Adversity cause some men to break; others to break records.

Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go. ~ William Feather

A man can succeed at almost anything for which he has unlimited enthusiasm. ~ Charles Schwab

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. ~ Joshua J. Marine

The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen. ~ Frank Lloyd Wright

I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. ~ Thomas Jefferson

He is the most unfortunate who's today is not better than yesterday. ~Muhammad (PBUH)

Success can never be controlled, but performance always can. ~John F. Murray

If you are not big enough to lose, you are not big enough to win. ~Walter Reuther

Never stand begging for what you have the power to earn.

There are two ways of meeting difficulties: you alter the difficulties, or you alter yourself to meet them. ~Phyllis Bottome

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.

You always pass failure on the way to success. ~Mickey Rooney

Whenever I hear, 'It can't be done,' I know I'm close to success ~ Michael Flatley

Without a sense of urgency, desire loses its value. ~ Jim Rohn

God gives every bird it's food, but does not always drop it into the nest.

Kites rise highest against the wind not with it ~ Sir Winston Churchill

To make yourself exceptional is the biggest achievement of your life.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

The Wife and the Window

The wife and the window

 

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning, while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hang the wash outside.

That laundry is not very clean, she said, she doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.

Her husband looked on, but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: "Look! She has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this."

The husband said: "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows!"

And so it is with life: "What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look. Before we give any criticism, it might be a good idea to check our state of mind and ask ourselves if we are ready to see the good rather than to be looking for something in the person we are about to judge. "

Love Letter

Here is a teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate. If you find it interesting then fun doesn't end here, I have interesting reply of this love letter too. To have a reply of this love letter, pls provide comments of this love letter to me.

 

 

My Dearest Reshma,

 

Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options

 

(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.

 

**********

 

1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:

 

(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... Am I doing it?

 

**********

 

2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:

 

(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile

 

**********

 

3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:

 

(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song

 

**********

 

4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:

 

(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know

 

**********

 

5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:

 

(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know

 

**********

 

6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...

 

(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded

 

**********

 

7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:

 

(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them

 

**********

 

8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:

 

(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose

 

**********

 

9) On that day, it was my birthday. You too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M because:

 

(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.

 

**********

 

If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it.

 

If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.

 

Eagerly awaiting your reply..

 

Love,

Hausan

::A:Brilliant:Interview::

A Brilliant Interview
Don't miss last 2 Questions...

Some, rather most organizations reject his CV today because he has changed jobs frequently (10 in 14 years). My friend, the "job hopper™ (referred here as Mr. JH), does not mind it. well he does not need to mind it at all. Having worked  full-time with 10 employer companies in just 14 years gives Mr. JH the relaxing edge that most of the ˜company loyal™ employees are struggling for today. Today, Mr. JH too is laid off like some other 14-15 year experienced guys " the difference being the latter have just worked in 2-3 organizations in the same number of years. Here are the excerpts of an interview with Mr. JH:

Q: Why have you changed 10 jobs in 14 years?

A: To get financially sound and stable before getting laid off the second time.
 
Q: So you knew you would be laid off in the year 2009?

A: Well I was laid off first in the year 2002 due to the first global economic slowdown. I had not got a full-time job before January 2003 when the economy started looking up; so I had struggled for almost a year without job and with compromises.
 
Q: Which number of job was that?
A: That was my third job.
 
Q: So from Jan 2003 to Jan 2009, in 6 years, you have changed 8 jobs to make the count as 10 jobs in 14 years?

A: I had no other option. In my first 8 years of professional life, I had worked only for 2 organizations thinking that jobs are deserved after lot of hard work and one should stay with an employer company to justify the saying ˜employer loyalty™. But I was an idiot.
 
Q: Why do you say so?

A: My salary in the first 8 years went up only marginally. I could not save enough and also, I had thought that I had a ˜permanent™ job, so I need not worry about ˜what will I do if I lose my job™. I could never imagine losing a job because of economic slowdown and not because of my performance. That was January 2002.
 
Q: Can you brief on what happened between January 2003 and 2009.

A: Well, I had learnt my lessons of being ˜company loyal™ and not ˜money earning and saving loyal™. But then you can save enough only when you earn enough. So I shifted my loyalty towards money making and saving " I changed 8 jobs in 6 years assuring all my interviewers about my stability.
 
Q: So you lied to your interviewers; you had already planned to change the job for which you were being interviewed on a particular day?

A: Yes, you can change jobs only when the market is up and companies are hiring. You tell me " can I get a job now because of the slowdown? No. So one should change jobs for higher salaries only when the market is up because that is the only time when companies hire and can afford the expected salaries.
 
Q: What have you gained by doing such things?

A: That's the question I was waiting for. In Jan 2003, I had a fixed salary (without variables) of say Rs. X p.a. In January 2009, my salary was 8X. So assuming my salary was Rs.3 lakh p.a. in Jan 2003, my last drawn salary in Jan 2009 was Rs.24 lakh p.a. (without variable). I never bothered about variable as I had no intention to stay for 1 year and go through the appraisal process to wait for the company to give me a hike.
 
Q: So you decided on your own hike?

A: Yes, in 2003, I could see the slowdown coming again in future like it had happened in 2001-02. Though I was not sure by when the next slowdown would come, I was pretty sure I wanted a ˜debt-free™ life before being laid off again. So I planned my hike targets on a yearly basis without waiting for the year to complete.
 
Q: So are you debt-free now?

A: Yes, I earned so much by virtue of job changes for money and spent so little that today I have a loan free 2 BR flat (1200 sq.. feet) plus a loan free big car without bothering about any EMIs. I am laid off too but I do not complain at all. If I have laid off companies for money, it is OK if a company lays me off because of lack of money.
 
Q: Who is complaining?

A: All those guys who are not getting a job to pay their EMIs off are complaining. They had made fun of me saying I am a job hopper and do not have any company loyalty. Now I ask them what they gained by their company loyalty; they too are laid off like me and pass comments to me " why will you bother about us, you are already debt-free. They were still in the bracket of 12-14 lakh p.a. when they were laid off.
 
Q: What is your advice to professionals?

A: Like Narayan Murthy had said " love your job and not your company because you never know when your company will stop loving you. In the same lines, love yourself and your family needs more than the company's needs. Companies can keep coming and going; family will always remain the same. Make money for yourself first and simultaneously make money for the company, not the other way around.
 
Q: What is your biggest pain point with companies?

A: When a company does well, its CEO will address the entire company saying, ˜well done guys, it is YOUR company, keep up the hard work, I am with you. But when the slowdown happens and the company does not do so well, the same CEO will say, œIt is MY company and to save the company, I have to take tough decisions including asking people to go. So think about your financial stability first; when you get laid off, your kids will complain to you and not your boss.

Practical Jokes :: ~ :: Nice One

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I
Began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What
About you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my
Husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that
I started running all over the house looking.
I ran up into the attic
And searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every
Closet and checked under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had
Looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just
Keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ---
we'd both still be Alive

>><<------------------------------------------------------------------------------------>><<

 

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian......

A MBA and a BE student go on a camping trip, set up their tent ,and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend and says
"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
The BE asks, "What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
The BE is silent for a moment, then speaks. 
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".......

Find your True Personality (This is Really Fascinating)

 

PERSONALITY TEST The Dalai Lama said read it to see if it works for you.... Very interesting. Just 4 questions and the answers will surprise you. Do not cheat by looking up the answers. The mind is like a parachute, it works best when it is opened. This is fun to do, but you have to follow the instructions very closely. Do not cheat..

MAKE A WISH BEFORE BEGINNING THE TEST!!





















A Warning! Answer the questions as you go along.

























There are only four questions and if you see them
all before finishing, you will not have honest results.

Go down slowly and do each exercise as you scroll down.

Don't look ahead. Get pencil and paper to write your answers

as you go along.

You will need it at the end.

This is an honest questionnaire which will tell you

a lot about your true self.

Give an answer for each item.











































Put the following 5 animals in the order of your preference.

Cow Tiger Sheep Horse Pig











































Write one word that describes each one of the
following:

Dog

Cat

Rat

Coffee

Sea













































Think of someone (who also knows you and is
important to you) that you can relate them to the following colours

(do not repeat your answer twice. Name just one person for each colour.)

Yellow Orange Red White Green 









































Finally, write down your favourite number and

your favourite day of the week.













































Finished?

Please be sure that your answers are what you

REALLY WANT.















































Look at the interpretations below:

(but first before continuing, repeat your wish.)






















































This will define your priorities in your life.

Cow Signifies CAREER

Tiger Signifies PRIDE

Sheep Signifies LOVE

Horse Signifies FAMILY

Pig Signifies MONEY





Your description of dog implies your own personality.

Your description of cat implies the personality of your partner.

Your description of rat implies the personality of your enemies.

Your description of coffee is how you interpret sex.

Your description of the sea implies your own life. 


     


Yellow : Someone you will never forget

Orange: Someone you consider your true friend

Red: Someone that you really love

White: Your twin soul

Green: Someone that you will remember for the rest of your life




You may send this message to as many persons as your favourite number & your wish will come true on the day that you put.

This is what the Dalai Lama has said

about the Millennium-just take a few seconds to read it and think.

Do not put away this message, the mantra will come out from
your hands in the next 96 hours.

You will have a very pleasant surprise.

This is true, even if you are not superstitious.

Great Answers

Not only our technical knowledge helps, but also the presence of mind and the right answer at right time. Even if u don't know the answer for a question just confuse the questioner.

Question and the Answer given by Candidates (oh............. sorry they are IAS Officers now)

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)


Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all its already built. (UPSC 23 rd Rank Opted for IFS)


Q. Approximately how many birthdays does the average Japanese woman have?
A. Just one. All the others are anniversaries.


Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands. (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)


Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A.. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. . (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)


Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. He sleeps at night. . (UPSC IAS Rank 98)


Q. Why it is impossible to send a telegram to Washington today ?
A.. Because he is dead.


Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become ?
A. It becomes wet. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)


Q. What often falls but never gets hurt ?
A. Rain


Q. What is that no man ever saw which never was but always will be?
A. TOMORROW


Q.. What looks like half apple?
A. The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper)


Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A. Dinner.


Q. What gets wet with drying?
A. A towel.


Q. What 3 letters change a girl into a woman ?
A. AGE.


Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?
A. It caused a revolution.


Q. Why is it easy to weigh a fish?
A. Because it has its own scales.


Q. Why does a bike rest on its leg?
A. Because it is too tyred.


Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A.. liquid (UPSC 33Rank)
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question.

Thought for a while and said, "my choice is one really difficult question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this. "What comes first, Day or Night?"

The boy was jolted in! to reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!"

"How" the interviewer asked,

"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!" He was selected for IIM

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Success of Marriage

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary.

They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years.

Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".

Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said:

"We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage.

Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses.

My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.

On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.

Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time".

She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again.

This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued.

When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!

I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?" ..

She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!"

Husband:"That's it. We are happy ever after."  

Jokes

An elderly gentle man ...

Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'

The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

---

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Rodger, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel ?'

Rodger says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'

'Really! ?

Like a newborn baby!?'

'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

Meeting Mr. Bean

1) BRAIN TUMOR:
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!

2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE:
Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!

4) AT AN ATM MACHINE:
Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!

5) Marriage:
Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean: 16
Friend: Why?
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse.

6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND:
Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.
Friend: What tape did you take anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.

7) DEATH OF HIS MOTHER:
Mr. Bean:(crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder
Friend: what now?
Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!

8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING:
Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.
Mr. Bean: That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.

9) Spelling lesson:
Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful....is it one c or two c?
Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!

Quiz for People Who Know Everything

"Quiz for People Who Know Everything"

This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn't. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers.

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters 'dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them. {dweeb is not an answer}

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S.'

:::|Sweet Jokes™ |::: ( COOL STORY ) Corporate Lesson: The Washerman, Dog and Donkey

 

Corporate Lesson: The Washerman, Dog and Donkey Collection of stories? Click here to join group Good story with old version… There was once a washer man who had a donkey and a dog. One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washer man was fast asleep but the donkey and the dog were awake. The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson. The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly. Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason. Moral of the story " One must not engage in duties other than his own" .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Now take a new look at the same story… The washer man was a well educated man from a premier management institute. He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night. He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a bottom up approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it. Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and became his favorite pet. The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dogs duties as well. In the annual appraisal the dog managed a " meets requirement" Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around. The donkey was rated as "star performer". The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards. Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a job rotation… If you have worked in a corporate environment, I am sure you have guessed the characters of the new story. ***********************************

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