Mad Jokes

 

Mad Cows Two cows are chatting in a field. One says to the other, "Are you worried by this mad cow disease?" The second cow says, "It doesn't affect me - I'm a rabbit!"

Noisy Neighbor Young Jock McTavish from Glasgow went to study at a university in England and was living in the hall of residence. After a week his mother rang him. "How do you get along with the other students, Jock?" she asked. "Well," he replied, "they are terribly noisy people. The one on one side keeps banging his head on the wall. The one on the other side screams all night." "Oh Jock!" said his mother. "How do you manage to put up with such noisy neighbours?" "I don't do anything. I just sit here quietly, playing my bagpipes!"

Breathe in....breathe out A hairdresser was trying to cut a blonde's hair but, because she refused to take off the headset of her iPod, he found his task very difficult. Finally, exasperated, he pulled off the handset and she collapsed on the floor. An ambulance rushed her to hospital but too late, she was dead. The hairdresser felt very bad about this but wondered what she was listening to. He put on the headset and heard the words, "Breathe in....breathe out....breathe in....!"

Paddy's Wood Paddy Fitzgerald had worked in a timber yard for five years and all that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent. He told the priest. "Father, it's five years since my last confession, and I've been stealing wood from the timber yard all that time." "I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?" Fitzgerald said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the timber!"