Todays Jokes

A man walks into a bar with his pet monkey.  He sits down at the bar to have a drink when the bartender screams, "Did you see what your Monkey just did?"
 
"No, what?" asks the man
 
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table.........WHOLE!"
 
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "He eats everything in sight, I'm sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
 
The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.  Two weeks later the guy is in the bar again and has his Monkey with him.  He orders a drink and the Monkey starts running around the bar again.  While the man is finishing his drink, the Monkey finds a bowl of Maraschino Cherries on the bar.  He grabs one, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out and eats it.  Then the Monkey finds a peanut, again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out and eats it.
 
The bartender is disgusted, "Did you see what your Monkey did now?"
 
"No, what?" replied the man.
 
"Well, he stuck a cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out and ate them!" said the bartender.
 
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," the guy replied, "He still eats everything in sight but ever since he had to shit that cue ball, he measures everything first."

 

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Universal law:

"Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money . "


First law:

"a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until on unless
any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy."


Second law:

" the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and
the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. "


Third law:

"the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals.

 

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Laugh about your mistakes,

But, learn from them.

Joke over your troubles,

But, gather strength from them.

Have fun with your difficulties,

But, overcome them.

That's the way to live LIFE.

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At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my
hand, oh!

Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his
head.  Is he crying?